I have long been convinced that there is a motherhood conspiracy and, once you give birth (or perhaps even before), you become party to that conspiracy.
As I am not yet ‘in the club’ I can only guess at the extent on the conspiracy but I am sure that it includes the following:
- not revealing how difficult raising a child actually is;
- not revealing how painful childbirth actually is;
- not discussing the finer details of pregnancy; and
- not discussing plans to conceive or the difficulties which are encountered along the way.
I am obviously going against the grain here, hopefully that won’t get me thrown out of the club before I even get the invitation!
As I have mentioned, my first friend to get pregnant discussed everything openly with us and shared all the disgusting details of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood but, as she did not have any difficulties conceiving any of her thre children, she was not party to my final assumption.
I raised the subject with my closest work friend last week (she has just returned after maternity). She knows that we are probably trying although even I am reluctant to discuss my concerns openly with her. I know that it took her quite a while to conceive but she didn’t admit to it until she was pregnant and I, out of politeness, did not pry. One of our mutual friends with a younger baby has also revealed that it took them over a year to conceive. This really surprised me, they have been married for several years and she had always said that she was not ready for a baby. Her pregnancy was a surprise to most of us (her friends) but had obviously been in the offing for sometime.
This led me to contemplate the fact that it may actually be quite normal to have to try, to have to count, but you don’t realise it as nobody talks about it. I can understand the reluctance as I myself have not openly admitted to anyone that we are trying. The problem is that it raises expectations and, with that, questions. If you are having concerns the last thing you want is a daily inquisition over whether it is working, what you are doing, what you should do. It may also be that it is simply not polite, being British it is not the done thing to acknowledge sexual activity in any way. The subject is taboo.
I am thrilled to have finally found out how to tag terms in my blog and to now have likes and followers! Thank you all, it is most encouraging to think that somebody is now reading what I write. Hopefully it will also go some way to helping others who are also trying, also counting, to make them realise that they are not alone, that there are a lot of people going through it. We may even go some way to exposing the conspiracy!