Yes, I’ve got to that stage. I was probably at that stage at the time of my last post, probably even before Christmas, but it’s getting worse.
My newly pregnant friend is blooming and having a problem free pregnancy so far, an old adversary has a bonnie little baby which a mutual friend has recently met and an old friend has just announced that they’re expecting their second. I would normally be happy for these people, for their happy news and share in their joy but I’m not, I’m becoming bitter, every new announcement is a stark reminder of the fact that I am not pregnant, not expecting, do not have a baby on the way.
We are still making no progress and work commitments have prevented me from going back to the GP for my test results in recent weeks. I am hoping that if they did show something worrying she would have called me by now but that is no consolation for the lack of progress.
One of my closest friends (and my goddaughter) visited last week and I haven’t seen her in a while. I think she expected me to be pregnant, she expected an announcement. I’ve not told her we are actively trying but given my age, and the time since the wedding now, it’s what people expect. I am sure my mum feels the same. She asked, she asked when we’d be having a baby. I found that a bit insensitive but she is not known for her tact. As she has given up trying for her second now (after 5 years) I thought that she would realise that that type of question is inappropriate, and can hurt! What can you say in response?! “I’m not sure it’s our decision to make”? “We’re trying our best”? “God knows”!
Other than that I have learnt that one of my other friends had acupuncture when she was trying and, after a while, she conceived. I hate needles and had a horrible experience with acupuncture a few years ago but I may well give it a go. If I go to the same person she saw hopefully he will not butcher me like the last one did! It’s worth a try, anything is!
New year, new post but still sadly nothing to report.
I had another round of blood tests before Christmas and am still waiting for the results. I will chase my GP this week I think as it has been a while now. I am hoping no news is good news.
Only other points to report are my increasing annoyance at friends’ announcements of their pregnancies and I have openly confessed that we are trying. I decided to tell our friends who have been having IVF, if there is anyone that will understand our frustration it is them. She gave me a brief low down on what to expect on the investigation front and told me about other people in the same boat (including a mutual friend who has PCOS). I think it did help to tell somebody, particularly somebody who has been through it.
They are having a break from IVF and seeing a holistic therapist (which is very unlike them). She thinks it is really helping and she seems a lot more relaxed. She is convinced that grief plays a big part (we have both lost our fathers). I am sure that it is partly responsible, it subconsciously affects your entire existence so it must.
As for my other friends, the one who struggled with miscarriages has just had her beautiful baby girl. She is adorable and I am genuinely thrilled for her. She is struggling with breast feeding but it is still early days and we have all said she shouldn’t put pressure on herself.
Another friend has announced she is just over 12 weeks pregnant. I casually asked whether they had been trying for long and was even more frustrated to hear it was only their second month of trying. She is a little younger but only a year or so. Annoying!
Another is due in February but only just telling people (she is very slim). I am happy for her as I suspect they have been trying for a long time. I suspect that her weight was an issue for them too but I do not want to ask personal questions to confirm my suspicions.
And finally a girl that I used to work with is pregnant with twins! She is quite a bit younger and I doubt that they had any issues but you never know.
Anyway, will keep you updated on the yet results and visit to the GP.