Whilst it is only just over one and a half weeks since we received confirmation that I had miscarried, the whole (albeit brief) pregnancy experience seems like it happened in another lifetime.
I have not grieved so to speak, have not cried even one tear and have not felt any real loss but I don’t think I ever really came to terms with the fact I was actually pregnant. I never really let myself enjoy it and was so anxious during the long 7 weeks that i didn’t actually think about the embryo becoming a baby. Yes I began browsing maternity clothes and contemplating having to buy a new bra but that was more down to the physical changes than embracing pregnancy.
I have been disappointed more than anything and perhaps a little angry. I resent pregnant people even more and can’t help but question what I did wrong, whether I pushed myself too hard in the gym, drank too much before I had a positive test, stopped taking vitamin A (in a multi vitamin) too late, worried too much?! I am “reassured” that 1 in 4 pregnancies in women of my age end in miscarriage and that it is mainly due to a defect in the embryo rather than anything I did or didn’t do.
I’m using the mumsnet talk groups for anonymous support and information. I’m back on all the supplements and have added in Soy Isoflavones as they are apparently good for egg development, we’ve restocked the German cock pills too but there seems to be a national shortage of Agnus castus at present. I’m back in the gym and sleeping terribly again (annoyingly pregnancy improved my sleep a lot).
Our long term/long suffering IVF friends have had a beautiful baby girl and we’re thrilled for them. They were the only ones we told about our pregnancy and they were devastated that it was so short lived, as are we of course.
Anyway, back in the saddle so to speak and trying again with a vengeance, apparently you are most fertile straight after a miscarriage so fingers crossed!