Back on the horse!

Whilst it is only just over one and a half weeks since we received confirmation that I had miscarried, the whole (albeit brief) pregnancy experience seems like it happened in another lifetime.

I have not grieved so to speak, have not cried even one tear and have not felt any real loss but I don’t think I ever really came to terms with the fact I was actually pregnant. I never really let myself enjoy it and was so anxious during the long 7 weeks that i didn’t actually think about the embryo becoming a baby. Yes I began browsing maternity clothes and contemplating having to buy a new bra but that was more down to the physical changes than embracing pregnancy.

I have been disappointed more than anything and perhaps a little angry. I resent pregnant people even more and can’t help but question what I did wrong, whether I pushed myself too hard in the gym, drank too much before I had a positive test, stopped taking vitamin A (in a multi vitamin) too late, worried too much?! I am “reassured” that 1 in 4 pregnancies in women of my age end in miscarriage and that it is mainly due to a defect in the embryo rather than anything I did or didn’t do.

I’m using the mumsnet talk groups for anonymous support and information. I’m back on all the supplements and have added in Soy Isoflavones as they are apparently good for egg development, we’ve restocked the German cock pills too but there seems to be a national shortage of Agnus castus at present. I’m back in the gym and sleeping terribly again (annoyingly pregnancy improved my sleep a lot).

Our long term/long suffering IVF friends have had a beautiful baby girl and we’re thrilled for them. They were the only ones we told about our pregnancy and they were devastated that it was so short lived, as are we of course.

Anyway, back in the saddle so to speak and trying again with a vengeance, apparently you are most fertile straight after a miscarriage so fingers crossed!

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Taking the plunge!

So, it’s been nine months since the ‘glitch’, nine months since the GP referral and five months since the hospital acknowledged the referral and I have still not heard anything.  I’m not getting any younger and we’re not having any luck on our own so today we decided to finally contact a private fertility clinic.  

I called Bupa and my policy unfortunately will not cover the fertility investigations so it looks like we’ll be shelling out for them ourselves but the cost is just a drop in the ocean if we actually need fertility treatment.  Besides, I have had enough of waiting and feeling completely helpless! 

My GP said to do some research into the local clinics and look at reviews so that’s what we have done this evening and we have chosen one with a good reputation and some excellent practitioners.  Coincidentially it is also the clinic that our friends who have previously had IVF have used (and are using again at the moment) so we are amongst friends.

If nothing else apparently they have a good coffee machine in the waiting room which is good news.  NHS say that caffeine has no adverse effect on fertility too so I’m glad that’s one thing I don’t have to give up! 

I bought some more fertility lube, started yoga and have been back on the agnus castus too, at least that makes me feel like I’m doing something positive.  Next stop acupuncture!