Good news is I went to the dentist, had the filling replaced (which took a gruelling 1.5 hours) and did not need a root canal (this time). It’s been niggling a bit since but at least it’s done and one thing off my mind.
I’ve been coping ok about the latest ICSI failure (I think). We’ve both had wobbles when we see people with young children but were used to those by now. However, my husband came back from seeing some friends yesterday evening to pass on the news that another one is expecting.
That means that every single female in that friendship group is now pregnant apart from me. My immediate response was “we need new friends”. I just don’t think I can cope with any sort of get together when everyone bar me is pregnant. I feel so left out, so left behind by it all. They’ll all be sharing pregnancy stories and I’m still here counting!
We’ve starting thinking about moving away, isn’t that dreadful?! Moving to somewhere completely new where we don’t know anyone, where there is no expectation and no en-mass pregnancy to avoid. It would be a huge upheaval and I’ve always said we can’t move because I’d lose my maternity leave benefit at work but I may never actually need that and we’re fortunate enough to have reserves to back us up if ever it did happen and I was on statutory maternity pay (if the IVF doesn’t eat them all up first that is).
I feel awful that I can’t be happy for friends but it makes me so jealous and so angry! Why them? Why not us? This is one of the hardest parts of infertility for me. I’ve distanced myself from so many friends already and have just been left behind by so many others whose lives now revolve around their children. We’ll be lonely old hermits at this rate!
I’m currently waiting, counting the days again until day 1 but the last cycle seems to have thrown my natural cycle out completely and I’m on about day 33 (depending on how you count) when my normal cycle is 24 days. My husband asked if I was pregnant but I’m not, I know I’m not. My body is just confused by all the fake hormones.
When AF does finally put in an appearance we can book our next treatment planning appointment. The consultant said she’s putting me back on antibiotics at an early stage but keeping the same protocol and same drugs as the results were better last time. Otherwise she’s just going to increase the luteal support. I asked about more investigatory work but she’s reluctant for me to incur the cost when I’ve only had one blastocyst that hasn’t taken. They normally only suggest more tests after 3! I don’t think we’ll get that far to be honest. If this attempt does not work we’ll probably only do one more before considering other options. It’s placing too much strain on our relationship and is restricting our lives too much to continue (let alone the cost). So two more attempts. Here’s hoping!
35counting 